Caring for the Elderly

When a child is born, the whole world jumps in to help. The well-being of the child takes precedence over everything else. 

Parents sometimes move cities, states or even countries to ensure the right surroundings for the child to grow up in. As the child grows up, again, there is help at hand on how to manage every aspect of the child's growth. From building emotional intelligence and acquiring social skills, to honing inherent qualities, developing life skills and academics. There are scores of books on parenting. And this starts from the womb. Case in point: the book ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’ The title says it all and the slew of information continues. 

On the other end of the spectrum are the Elders. It is said old age is a ‘second childhood.’ This is because, like infants, older people sometimes lose control of their senses and also become dependent on others and require care. But that is where the similarity ends.

Take a pause and think — have you read any book on how to look after elderly people? Is there any guide, manual or go-to that explains how to behave, interact or communicate with the elderly in a manner that makes sense to them? We think it is easy because they are adults who already know things, right? How difficult can it be?? And who needs a book?? We think it is more difficult with children because they need to be taught every single thing! But that is precisely what makes it easier! Their mind is a blank slate which can learn all that is presented to it. And precisely why there are scores of books on the topic and why there are so many ‘experts!’

Now imagine how life must be for our elders. They may be 65 years or older. They have lived their childhood, youth and adulthood in circumstances so very different from today's times. They have spent a lifetime, quite literally, living like that. Now, in the golden years of life they need to unlearn all that and relearn the basics. With technology pervading every aspect of life today and also continuously evolving, they have to learn using the computer for every possible activity. Memorising passwords and remembering to press the right buttons at different machines and devices at various points of daily living can be challenging. Think about what an unenviable situation they find themselves in. On the one hand, physically, things are slowing down — weakened memory, slower movement, easy onset of fatigue from daily activities — and on the other, the challenge of having to take on something new so late in life. When human nature itself is to fear and resist change, it must be so much harder for them.

Of course, there may be their children or caregivers to help them but there would be so many seniors living alone. Again, the caregivers often have their own responsibilities or commitments to fulfil. At such times, this caregiving becomes just a task to be completed.

Even senior living spaces or retirement homes that boast of ‘world class amenities’ like pools, conference halls, gymnasiums, etc., usually have cosmetic structural changes which only help the seniors minimally. I doubt if they are even consulted to find out what is actually required and wanted in such spaces. 

We seldom realise what it is that they would really want. Of course, there are many seniors who are sprightly and physically very active and such amenities are very useful to them. But as we get on in life, we naturally tend to take things slow. I think they would then appreciate safe, quiet spaces where they can meet old friends, reminisce about their times past, pursue hobbies they never had time for before, engage in spirited conversations with peers, discuss politics and current affairs or perhaps just sit and let time pass by. When everyone and everything in life seems to be moving ahead much faster, the company of contemporaries is vital. A sacred space for prayer and meditation,  someone competent to help manage their finances and easy access to medical services would really put their mind at ease. 

So as we do for our children, shouldn't the well-being of our elders too become a priority? Wouldn't this make elder care simpler? While it may vary from individual to individual, the basis is pretty straightforward and simple. If we get the needs of the elderly right, ensure the comfort and ease of living for them, just like they did for their young ones, that would be something worth striving for.