Choices

Life is all about choices. The choices we make and the ones we don't. 

From the moment we awake till the time we fall asleep at night, our day is filled with choices. From the simple act of brushing one's teeth to the more complex actions and decisions that we undertake during the day, they are all a result of a choice we have made. Most are subconscious — those that happen because the outcome of that choice is the most desirable. They then become ‘habit,’ an automatic choice.

Conscious choices are the tricky ones. We make these based on our own understanding, belief and experience of circumstances and situations, which keep changing and evolving. Ever so often, don't we rue our choices and think we could have done differently?

When one is younger, the choices are made often without too much thought about future repercussions. Caution is thrown to the wind. Being wary of one's actions is not a priority because the focus usually is more on immediate results.

Scrolling on the mobile endlessly when exams are nearing is a choice.

Following a well-planned study schedule to help ace the exams is also a choice.

Eating rich, oily or sugar laden food and pandering to our taste buds is a choice. 

Being mindful to eat what the body actually needs for good health is also a choice.

Binge watching television till late in the night is a choice.

Prioritising sleep for the sake of good health is also a choice. 

Feeling envious of others' accomplishments is a choice.

Drawing inspiration and motivation from them to excel in our own spheres is also a choice.

 

When everything around us seems to be going wrong or there appears to be no respite from our circumstances and we seem to spiral into utter darkness, our response to it is a choice. 

When everything fails, having faith in ourselves that we can tide over adversity and having an innate belief in the goodness of life is also a choice. 

Without fail, the wrong choice is always easy to make while the right one, the most difficult. Because the right choice requires effort. 

It need us to get out of our comfort zone, out of our as-comfortable-as-a-well-worn-shoe-that-we-cannot-part-with type of behaviour and get troubled and downright uncomfortable.

The right choices make us think. Hard. 

Life sometimes presents itself in the strangest and most unexpected ways and we are faced with difficult choices, often not to our liking. Because of MS, I have been in situations most undesirable and this, more or less, is the norm for me now.

I spend many hours seated because fatigue restrains routine movement.

I contribute massively to my carbon footprint by always travelling by air or car instead of a train or bus or even my own legs.

I have had services availed from hair stylists, lab technicians for blood samples, opticians and even an ophthalmologist, all inside my living room.

MS has posed scenarios before me which have led to some unimagined choices. 

Losing sleep over all this or lamenting my state is not a choice for me. Getting stressed over the progressive nature of this dis-ease and then seeing that progression in my day-to-day activities is not a choice for me. What purpose will it serve? I am a firm believer of the words “Your thoughts become your reality.” Not for me, are any thoughts that question the reason for this dis-ease and the ‘if only's.’

They are not a good use of time. Time which I can use more productively trying to find ways to ease my life, alleviate my daily struggles. I feel that how I think is what I will be. I feel that I need to do my part and that is all that matters. My choice is to do all that I can to better my situation and remain consistent in my efforts. Not that I haven't gone off track but remembering my ultimate goal of being able to lead as normal a life as possible, gets me back on the driver's seat.

Here, I must acknowledge that this is my way of thinking and may not resonate with everyone else. I have always sought to look at the brighter side of things, always felt that anything bad can only get better. That something can get worse, does not hit me at all. That is just who I am. Some loved ones have called it toxic positivity. But this style of thinking has worked for me. Being afflicted with a disorder affecting every part of the body and the mind, without any medical cure, and then having a not-so-positive outlook would be disastrous. Which is why I have made the choice of always looking to find the silver lining in every dark cloud. 

But real life is not only black and white. There are very many shades of grey in between. Ever so often, people have to make choices which seem incorrect but are essential for what some might think to be a larger goal. Someone may be stuck in a thankless, uninspiring job but continues there for the financial benefits it offers. Someone may be in a bad or abusive relationship but stays on for the children to be looked after. These are just a few but there are so many more instances where such tough choices have to be made.

I heard somewhere that when life gives us what we do not want it is giving us what we really need. I believe all we can do is to have faith and play our role with complete sincerity. 

With faith, anything is possible. Without it, everything looks impossible. The choice is ours to make.