The Unseen Heroes

 What happens when a member of the family falls ill? The other members of that family all pitch in to get the sick back on their feet.  This could involve change in some routine or perhaps start of a new routine until the member recovers. On recovery of that family member, the old routines are reinstated. Life is normal, once again. 

But, what happens when the illness is a chronic one?

Life changes. Completely and forever. Priorities shift. Routines change. New ways of living emerge. Everything changes. A 'new normal' sets in. A normal where activities which, earlier, would just happen as a matter of course, now become challenges that require a lot of thinking through, before actually doing them. Situations, which earlier, would not have been even thought of, arise. The entire family gets affected. Any decision, any action, any move, any thing will revolve around the sick person and the illness. I'll call them a Warrior, because they are, afterall, fighting a battle to bring back normalcy in their life.

In such a scenario – in my opinion – more than the person who is sick, it is the immediate family living with the sick person – the Warrior – that gets affected the most. The Warrior may be going through his or her own personal hell, but that is expected and unavoidable. But spare a thought for the immediate family, the caregivers. They are the unseen heroes in this sad story. They see a loved one, suffering. A person who had so far lived a regular, normal life is now struggling with basic actions or perhaps requires care in a hospital. Can you even begin to imagine what they would be experiencing? That constant feeling of helplessness, of despair, of wanting to destroy that one thing which is causing all that suffering, lingers. The caregiver not only has to live their own life, but now has, also, to live the life of the Warrior, to a large extent, by fulfilling that person's responsibilities, filling in wherever possible, managing various tasks. 

When the Warrior is a parent, there is an ongoing struggle to look after the parent while still trying to follow one's own dreams and being happy and carefree.

When it is a spouse, the 'team' that would earlier take decisions about life and everything in it, no longer exists. Everything has to be done unanimously by the partner who is not unwell.

When the illness involves a child, the situation is most heart wrenching... To see a child they brought into this world, struggling beyond their limited capacity, can be life altering for the parents. The angst the parents experience is unparalleled. 

Whether it is a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse... whatever the relation, the people living with the Warrior are always the ones most impacted. The emotional and physical toll on them is tremendous. It is a delicate balance that they need to achieve to let life run as smoothly as possible. Caring for the Warrior while maintaining one's own way of living can become a challenge in itself.

So the next time you happen to meet or visit a person afflicted with a chronic illness, do pause to think about the people caring for them. They deserve your attention.