Random thoughts

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This blog completed a year early this month. I haven't written as much as I would have liked. It got me thinking about my MS journey. Nineteen years since I was first diagnosed and ten, since it actually started bothering me. Time just flies when you're not looking. I lived nine years blissfully unaware about what was to come in the future. The husband often feels that had we taken whatever remedial steps were necessary then, things would perhaps have been very different now. But who is to say that would really have been the case? All that is just conjecture. Isn't it always so easy to look back and think, "What if…?" We always think that had we known what we know now, had we done what we think now is the right thing to do, had we said then, that which we have the courage to say now, it would all have been different, it would all have been good. This feeling of regret plagues us all. But what good does regret do? Nothing. Really. Except making us miserable and doubt ourselves for our actions. Something we could have or should have done or not, said or not. We play that particular situation over and over in our minds ruefully hoping that the outcome would have been different. Hindsight, on the other hand, allows us to ponder over the past, reflect on it and then take positive action. We become better equipped to face, to tackle a similar situation again. It also helps us to behave in a manner such that we don't find ourselves stuck in the same way or, better still, turn that very situation to our advantage! Having said all that, I have many regrets of my own. A few big ones and more smaller ones. In my case, with regard to MS, hindsight cannot really help because the disease only goes south with the passage of time. What I can only do now actively is take my medications regularly (I was terrible on that front, I have to admit and still struggle with being regular) and be consistent with doing physiotherapy. That has helped me a lot but I started it only about four years ago, not knowing earlier that it could help. The husband gets the entire credit for getting me started. I'm fortunate for Dr. Namrata (god bless her!!), my current neuro physiotherapist who is a storehouse of information on the machinations of the human body. She imparts a nugget of information every time I meet her! She tells me all there is to know about the impact of exercise on my body, how it can strengthen the muscles which are weakened due to disuse and so many finer aspects of doing physiotherapy. It's a free theory class with practical exercise sessions! Would it have helped me if I had started physiotherapy sessions soon as I started having trouble walking? The answer is a resounding 'Yes!' But regretting it now won't do me any good. I will not be able to walk without support just wishing I'd taken care right from the start. I have to be consistent, now, at all times. I owe that to myself and my loved ones. That is the lesson hindsight has taught me. That is the power of hindsight. If we utilise it correctly, it can make things change for the better and make a better version of ourselves.


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