Learnings from MS

Being afflicted with MS has taught me things which I otherwise may not have thought of. I haven't forgotten about the not-so-good things that are just too many to list. And the frustration, exasperation, despair and anger they cause are far too much. But I choose not to dwell on it. Because that will only make everything seem much worse.

Let me, instead, tell you what I have imbibed for the better.

First and undoubtedly the foremost, MS has taught me patience. A world of patience. When I just cannot hurry for anything, no matter how urgent or important or both, the situation I may be faced with, patience has been my saviour. For example, it could be trying to stop something from making contact with the floor because I couldn't hold it firmly enough or wanting to open the door when I'm home alone because someone has already rung the bell twice and I'm nowhere near the door yet. 

So, I practise utmost patience and handle things with extra care so I don't drop anything and I take my time to open the door, often leading the person waiting outside to depart before I can open it, leaving me to stare at an empty lobby. All this only adds to the time taken to complete any task, but being patient with myself helps in smooth and accident free functioning. 

 I realise that I can no longer rush things or leave things for the last minute. Hurrying, or rather, trying to hurry has only one outcome - a fall - something I've experienced far too often. I have learnt to be patient at all times. I have learnt that fighting this situation mindlessly will only leave me frustrated and exhausted. I have learnt to accept that everything will take that much longer because speed and hurrying up are not my companions anymore.

MS has taught me to plan my activities, however limited they are. Because if I don't plan, I just can't do it. Plain and simple. No spur-of-the-moment actions for me. None at all. So, going out of the house to visit a mall, to consult with a doctor, for a drive or anything that gets me out of the house has to be carefully planned. The logistics have to be clearly thought through. The longer I have to be out of the house, the more meticulous the planning is. There is absolutely no place for impulsiveness here. I cannot decide that I will do something just because I feel like it.

Most importantly though, MS has taught me to look at life, really observe it. My perspective has changed from what it might have been, had I been 'normal' like everyone else. It has taught me to be grateful for what I do have. I've always seen the positivity in everything-and MS-with all its limitations and restrictions on my functioning, has only strengthened that quality. It has made me more resilient. 

It has taught me to observe people and their behaviours, observing (what I think) may be their reasons for doing what they do.  When there is very little one can physically do, I think this insight automatically increases. Everywhere, everyone is racing. Adults racing to make ends meet, have successful careers, have great relationships, trying to be happy. Sadly, even youngsters are in this race with competition in most aspects of their lives. So, as the world races on I can only be the spectator that looks over all actions and activities that I myself am unable to do. 

More than that, I have learnt to observe and analyse my own behaviour. Sides of me I had no inkling of. have been revealed to me  because of this quiet observation. Would I have been so introspective if I was normal like everyone else? I honestly don't think so. I too, would have been part of the Race, trying to do so many things all at the same time, trying to find a balance in life, trying to achieve a personal victory. Making time for deep thought and reflection would have been a luxury. Life would have been very different, indeed. 

MS has given a new direction to my thinking and to how I view life. I have learnt to ponder over life's uncertainties, unaffected. It has made me more forgiving of myself, more attentive, more accepting, more cognizant of, not only my own actions and behaviour, but of life itself. And for all this, I am truly grateful.