World MS Day

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Today is World MS Day. There will be events all across the world to raise awareness about the disease, to highlight the effects of multiple sclerosis on people suffering from it, to set up avenues for afflicted individuals to avail funds for medicines, medical care services and other medical assistance equipment, to recognise and celebrate support networks and, in general, bring out into the open, a host of matters related to MS.

Thinking about all this brought a sudden thought to my mind: when will it be a time when this day will not hold any meaning for me? When will it be just another day, like most other days of the year, that just pass by and are forgotten? 


I really do not have an answer to this and I fervently wish I did. I do not like this feeling at all. Earlier in the month I got an MRI done, after a gap of almost five years. Because I do not take any allopathic medication, all of which are Disease Modifying Drugs or DMDs with severe side effects, my previous neurologist had advised that I get an MRI done every year to check progression of the disease. The pandemic and other factors prevented me from getting it done all these years. My second neurologist also advised against yearly MRIs unless there was significant exacerbation of symptoms. While X-rays use radiation, MRIs use strong magnets for taking images of the internal organs. X-rays are more suitable for checking bone density and MRIs help to see images of soft tissue like that in the brain or disks in the spine. That is what is required to be examined for MS.


The MRI indicated some progression in the disease. It was something I had anticipated as my ability to walk has deteriorated over the past few years, more so in the past one year, but I was hoping against this diagnosis, in some corner of my mind. There were new plaques on my spine which were not present in the MRI taken five years ago and that was what was causing the difficulty in walking. Plaques are areas of damaged tissue.


I have been part of a support group on Facebook which had around 15k members when I joined it in 2021. Today it is over 22k members strong. It is a safe space where members share their experiences, stories about dealing with this illness, their triumph with control over symptoms, vent their feelings about interactions with unthinking and inconsiderate individuals and much more. I have discovered so many symptoms which, up until then, I didn't even know were a symptom in the first place. I have read about situations similar to what I have found myself in and felt comforted to know I was not alone. I have read stories about how so many of them have managed their symptoms and have turned their life around. I have cried for some posts and felt optimistic and proud and hopeful for so many others. It has given me a lot of hope that reversing my symptoms is possible with determination and consistency. 


I hope I can, some time in the future, look at this particular day with detachment. Though, come to think of it, that may never be the case. I cannot deny the impact MS has had on my life. Nor on the lives of my family, most significantly my daughter's life because of all that she has missed out on, because of a chronically ill mother. It is she who made me realise, and very rightly so, that just by reversing my symptoms or even by being completely rid of MS, I'll never be able to detach MS from myself. I hope to be able to look back at these years being afflicted with MS as the ones that made me a stronger, kinder, more understanding and compassionate human being.

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